Friday, 13 February 2009

One Of Those Weeks

a grey field under a grey sky with one single tree on the horizon - muddy shoes - slushy ice - a woman with a yellow jacket - a very old roof - the smell of fresh paint - a hundred and thirty old friends - the whole spectrum of human folly, stupidity, intelligence, and divinity - squeaking wooden floors - securing cables across a large room with gaffa tape - hanging transparent glass images from a baroque railing - floating on a field of love

feeling tired and sick - too much coffee - people going from tears of pain to tears of joy - the shouting of playing children reverberating in long monastery hallways - subtle intricacies of a moment - a pain that seems to be hundreds of years old - is that me? no - is that me? no - who are you? what are you? - a hundred people chanting hu for half an hour, a shimmering pure soft chord hanging in the air - polishing cutlery that is already clean - the sun shining directly into my face - coughing sneezing coughing

many people having breakfast in silence - gazing into each other's eyes for minutes (nobody seems to have eyes that are even and symmetric) - telling the truth ruthlessly - there's that large shimmering, vibrating ball of light between us - old weeds frozen and brown - a light snowfall - suffering that i created without even noticing

constructed identities held up by self objects - a bell in space - a warmth - a wondering - confusion and ecstasy - the simplicity of stopping - a roaring storm that shakes the forest and that makes my tears violently flow with its energy - my face is wet in the wind and ice cold but i enjoy it - an opportunity half missed - her understanding goes much deeper than i can grasp - a simple openness, everything coming and going freely without disturbance, without grasping, without rejecting, without wanting, evaluating, judging, objectifying

idealization transference - this cake is not made by the monastery bakery - business emails and a half-nice cd review - throwing away everything old, but then using something new in the old way - being dumbfounded, without ideas - "becoming the world's leading expert on myself has nothing to do with being fully present" - a break in the routine - talking over a coffee - little girls, cuteness overload - a meeting on a floor, a glance, a smile, a nod - an unexpected tender touch - what is overlooked vastly outweighs that what is noticed - faraway voices, a glance to the watch, twenty minutes left to the next appointment - breathing happens by itself, thinking happens by itself - understanding with an added "of course", what is it like without the "of course"? - an anonymous chocolate donator (but I think I know her) - new dates for 2011

"I do not care what others have said or experienced - I do not care what I have experienced in the past" - old stories, questions about horizontal and vertical development, fund raising committees - a cheese sandwich - recording, transferring, cutting, compressing, normalizing, naming, and tagging talks - a man who is passionately in love with life - talks about music and blogging - a look across the room - sensory overflow and boredom - just sitting without doing anything (not even thinking) - the ikea model of identity formation - thinking of my father - a hand touching my back - a survival fighter with tears - tulip petals of timeless beauty

a sunset behind old pear trees - an ancient jewish cemetary - talks about relationships while walking fast - very muddy shoes - cable problems - a brown river flowing fast - a downloaded Bach piece that refuses to play - a thin layer of fresh snow - hugs and waving goodbye - we won't see each other for a whole year - a last plate with warm food - he is already gone - back on the highway - the real world seems unreal


  1. ...coughing sneezing coughing...
    und ich hatte dir Gesundheit bestellt...

  2. Being recognizing being...